The leaf was just floating in the air. As I walked out of my house and prepared to stretch before heading out on my planned walk, I was amazed to see this leaf just floating in the air. The wind was twirling it around and blowing it to and fro. I didn’t see anything anchoring it or keeping it from blowing away, but there it was, just floating.
I finished my stretch and then headed out for my walk, which was lovely—the path is the perfect balance that I like: not overly strenuous, but not a cakewalk. As I am trying to build a regular fitness regimen, I appreciate how I feel after doing a workout—how grateful I am for my body, how impressed I am with the way that the parts work together, how glad I am to see the end of the walk come so that I can celebrate the small accomplishment and stretch again.
As I returned to my porch, the leaf was still there. And the wind had picked up—so it was really fluttering, doing a frenetic dance to the rhythm of the gales. I sat down and just looked at this leaf. On closer inspection, I could finally see that it was attached to a tree by a piece of gossamer so slight that you could only see it if you looked closely. Wow—this leaf was sustaining or being sustained in the face of strong winds. It reminded me of the way that I am connected to a force that is bigger than I am. And the connection might look tenuous or even invisible but it is so strong. That is another aspect of this leaf that caught my attention—the gossamer must have been so strong to hold that leaf suspended above the ground. I watched how the leaf swayed and jittered—reminding me of times in my life when the storms have come, when we have swayed and jittered, in fear, in exhaustion, with angst. It was truly beautiful—just sitting there, surrounded by sunlight and the aesthetic beauty of our newly painted house (which represents so much by itself) and the afterglow of the walk. I thought about the poem that talks about the man talking to God and asking about the footsteps he sees as he looks back on his life. Sometimes he sees two sets of footsteps walking side by side, sometimes one is ahead and the other is behind. Then at other times, there is only one set of footsteps. The man asks God why did He forsake him during those times, making him carry on alone. God replied those times when there was one set of footsteps is when he was being carried by God. God is always with us, even in our darkest times. He sustains us. He holds us up. He protects us from the storms—often in ways we don’t even realize. As I watched that leaf…float…sway right with the wind…sway left as it returned to center…hold still in breathtaking equilibrium, I was so appreciative of all the many blessings that I have been given. I felt spirit move through me and knew that I am a child of God—that I am under His charge and that battles I need to fight are won before I’ve started.
There are two other things that happened—one right in the moment and one some time later. As I was sitting on the steps being mesmerized by the dance of the leaf and the lessons I was distilling, I was listening to John Legend’s song “If You Are Out There.” I love this song—it says that we should be the change we want to see. We can’t wait to make things happen—we need to get started now. And he sings to his listeners that you won’t do it by yourself—reach out to inspire those around you to help you with your vision. I knew I was going to use that song to end the third day of the Gender and Leadership class—it is a perfect accompaniment to the session on networking and vision. Music is part of the erotic for me. So sitting there, on that stoop with the leaf and the music was definitely an erotic moment—a perfect moment that gives such joy. In that moment, I knew I needed both to give thanks for what I have been brought through, acknowledge that I always have God by my side, and think about how to spread this message to others through my teaching. Past, present, future—all in that moment (I have to look at my erotic moments—I think there is a theme that I never identified which is that they pull on past, present and future all at once).
Last thing—I am cleaning out the guest room so that we can change it to Vince’s office. Vince’s office is going to become Mom and Uncle KC’s room when they move up next weekend. Huge life changes—a little scary. But not so worrisome when I realize that God is by my side, things happen for a reason and they happen as they are supposed to (even if it does not fit my schedule). I found a card that I bought—I can see why I bought it and the message is a perfect one. The card says:
In the end, everything will be alright.
If it’s not alright, then it is not the end.
What more can I say?
